Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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