I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
FUCK WHALES
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
