just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
