Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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