there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
