Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Farmville is her only friend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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