A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
