I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
