Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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