I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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