Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it hurts more in the daytime
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
