u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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