ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
