New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
