I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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