no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
