when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
