What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
