Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
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