you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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