So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So vagazzling was a success
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
