I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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