nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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