either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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