Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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