It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
