I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
