So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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