Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize