Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
