dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
