I can text with my tongue
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
