yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
