He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
