Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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