she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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