I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize