Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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