his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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