i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
