Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
