Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
