He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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