I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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