I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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