At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
