Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
