I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
