Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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