My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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