this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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