He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize