Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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