actually, I'm a sock model
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
