You made me cry and you don't even care
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
