I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
