He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
