I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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