God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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