i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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