ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
